[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Awoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Wait, what the hell am I doing?
That's right, I was going to get out of here.
The moon's a secondary objective.
God, I still can't believe it's night out.
It only felt like a couple hours.
Dammit, everything's like this now.
People always say, "Time flies
when you're having fun,"
well, what happens is that time just
flies, period, and we all end up older.
All right. Let me see, maybe I could
pry this door open, I dunno.
"Extreme Heat - Clear Area".
Yeah, right, this is probably just
where the department has barbecues
and they put up that
sign to make it private.
I know how people think around here.
I'll try some random numbers.
You know, as much as I'd like to claim
this is the result of me being a genius,
it's more that someone else was not.
We probably spent tens of
millions on this security system
then paid our janitor
minimum wage to install it.
Knowing this code makes me a
threat to national security now.
That guy in the beret just shot
a grenade round at his buddies there.
I don't think he was even aiming
for me; I was just the excuse.
I mean, what is this?
"The Three Stooges Join the Corps"?
Not that I'm complaining about
the friendly-fire, but, wow!
I always expected this sort of
thing to happen to the Stooges actually.
That one day Moe would
just fucking lose it
and kill the other two
Stooges for incompetence.
Well, maybe not Larry, he could
be brought back into the fold.
Curly Joe was beyond redemption.
Oh, good, bloody handprint. Now
I know I'm going the right way again.
Whoa... that's a lot of
explosives there.
This is like that joke where you
balance a bucket of water on a door,
but, as usual, the military here
has to overdo everything.
Well, whatever's in that door is
obviously not worth keeping.
Oh, so maybe that wasn't a guiding bloody
handprint but a warning bloody handprint.
I don't know, I just can't
tell the difference.
Hey, there's an open window.
HECU: Recon team check in.
Well, that's not what I wanted to hear.
I don't know, I think there
might be something good in here.
The path of blood hasn't
let me down so far.
HECU: Command host team
in position, over.
These guys sound pretty chill considering
there were gunshots and an explosion
outside not two minutes earlier.
I guess it doesn't occur to
them to investigate that.
And now we return to
Ethical Dilemma Theater.
Do I shoot them... or not?
I mean, those other guys were making it
pretty clear they did not like me,
which is a capital offense, I guess.
But these guys are just saying,
"Alpha Bravo Position Flanker Gamma Delta--"
HECU: Squad, all hostiles clear, over.
[HECU chatter overlapping]
Yeah, see, this is what I'm talking about.
[HECU chatter overlapping]
[HECU chatter overlapping]
Okay, you can stop.
[HECU chatter overlapping]
Guys, I can't even hear myself think.
[HECU chatter overlapping]
Wait, what am I doing?
HECU: SQUAD, WE GOT FREEMAN!
SHIT!
Oh, God, those shots were close to my head!
Why can't they aim for my impenetrable
body armor like everybody else?
One of those shots ricocheted off my collar!
YOU GUYS COULD HAVE KILLED ME,
YOU KNOW THAT?!
Well, I guess this guy knows it.
That's it, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
I keep clinging onto the hope that
ONE of these goons will hear me out,
but it just isn't happening.
This self-defense crap isn't cutting it,
because I never get to fire first.
Normally, I'd need a really good
reason to murder someone,
but this whole day's been fucked.
Better than a hundred
probably-guilty people die
than one of them get a clean shot on me.
I mean, look at all these dead scientists.
This rescue mission's a disaster anyway.
500 dead, 1200 dead, who's counting?
Those are electron
microscope shots of cells.
Yeah, that one's pollen, I think.
This must be the Microbiology Department.
Why does the military want to
kill microbiologists?
I've never really known them to
be a controversial bunch.
I think some people yelled at Pasteur
because they didn't understand what vaccines
were, but that's all that comes to mind.
But why do microbiologists need
this very expensive hologram projector?
We didn't get one of those.
We could've used it more than they could.
What's that say? Something about satellites?
They're padding their costs to
get more grant money.
Well, damn, maybe they did do
something to get shot.
Pissed off the wrong general
with these costs.
And that's the attitude I need
to start taking.
If you're wearing a military
uniform, you're dead.
If somebody's grandma is cold and
puts on a camo blanket, she's dead.
I need to just be a psychopath.
[roaring sound]
Maybe I should stop
[roaring sound]
pressing every button I see.
[roaring sound]
JESUS CHRIST, I LAUNCHED A MISSILE!
[roaring sound]
I'm not helping anything!
[roaring sound]
AUGH! MY EYES!
[roaring sound]
GAZE UPON THE FIERY DOOM OF THIS EARTH...!
So, guess I just started World War III.
But, in the end, there's only
one thing that matters:
I did not leave any
fingerprints.
I don't always know when
I'm in over my head,
but I'm pretty sure this is one of those times.
Could this be a ridged pipe that
leads straight up the rock face?
That's right, I'm in New Mexico, aren't I?
The middle of the desert.
The middle of the desert.
Now that I think about it, the flight in here
might have been longer than I remember.
So, if I were to pack it on
foot, how far could I go?
If I had food and water--which I don't--
I could go twenty, maybe
thirty miles in a day
assuming the sun didn't beat me down.
I really should have thought about this sooner.
Okay, so maybe walking out is
not the way to go here.
All right, I'm going to have find a car.
God, the fun just doesn't
end today, does it?
Well, that's not a problem. I can cope.
I'm going to kill everyone.
It's not even going to be about
stress-relief, that's a side-benefit.
People say you have to play the
cards you've been dealt in life.
I think if you've been dealt
a stacked deck,
you can knock the table over,
pull out a gun and start firing on...
life... I guess... I don't know.
[crickets chirp]
Huh. This must be some pretty jaded crickets to
[crickets chirp]
keep on chirping after that missile launch.
[crickets chirp]
Wait a minute, this wasn't open.
[crickets chirp]
And somebody moved the bodies.
[crickets chirp]
Okay, I've seen enough.
[crickets chirp]
With any luck, whoever was here
[crickets chirp]
went back into the endless tram tunnel
[crickets chirp]
and will be there a few days.
Oh, no, no, no.
Is this the only path left?
Not down. I don't do down anymore.
I've renounced my status as
King of the Underworld.
Well, I'm not going down there,
so that's the end of it.
I think a tram-based pizza delivery
system can make a lot of sense.